no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The adults are the big ones right?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
