I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
