I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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