Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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