sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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