i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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