if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
