I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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