ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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