Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
