Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
