Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
