I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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