Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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