Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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