so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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