So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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