You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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