you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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