okay pat passed out under dana's car
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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