is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
