ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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