eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
