So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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