"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
