Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
