You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
