Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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