You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
