i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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