I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
