Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
