i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
