So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
