When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
