my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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