is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
