You're so nebulous sometimes
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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