the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
