My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
