I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
