nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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