i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
