i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
