His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
