u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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