Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
