Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
