You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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