we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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