im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
