he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
