My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
