I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
